what if

I’m in a pre-holiday funk. And I’m not sure why. It’s positively gorgeous outside. Our little house surrounded by towering, snow capped pines could give Narnia a run for its money. And we’ve made it to the Solstice. Which means the days get lighter and brighter from here on out. Generally speaking, I’m a holiday kind of girl. I love this time of year and (almost) everything that comes with it. I blissfully indulge myself in elfish behavior. Nevertheless, here I am – in a pre-holiday funk.

I have a Christmas cactus that refuses to bloom in December. It seems to prefer October or November. I don’t even remember when, or why (other than to maybe give my cactus a good tease), but at some point I must have mixed a few impatient seeds around the base of the cactus. Because this morning as I was groggily en route to the coffee pot, a single bright coral blossom caught my attention and in the perkiest of voices it said “Hi!” I stopped and lifted my gaze to the window. The heavy snow that had started last night was still falling. I looked back to the tiny bloom that was eagerly craning itself towards the reflective light of the storm. Having never known the glorious effects of warm May sunshine, it had nothing to compare it to.

Which made me pause. What if I didn’t know I had two holiday parties, a dentist appointment, and a full day’s work to squeeze into the next 16 hours? What if I didn’t feel pressure to get a holiday card made and mailed before the big day? What if two trays of cookies is enough for this year? What if I didn’t feel the need to reciprocate every gift that is received – but to instead learn that simply saying “thank you” can be enough? And so what if that brilliant last minute present I thought of doesn’t show up in the mail on time?

What if, for today at least, all I knew was to reach for the light?

Happy Solstice.

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